My Best Friend Brandi Girl
My Sweet Brandi girl passed away on June 12th 2006.
I don't know about any of you but for me this was the first time ever I had to deal with a death that was so close & dear to my heart. It has been over 13 years now that my Sweet Brandi girl passed away,
(June 12th- 2006).
When Brandi passed away I had totally shut down .
I was very depressed.
During that 8 months while she was doing chemo, Brandi went everywhere with me. If she couldn't go, I didn't go. She loved going bye bye with me and always sat up front with me and hung herself proudly out the window as we went along our way.
Having to put Brandi down was one of the hardest and saddest decisions I had ever made. I lost my daughter Charlene back in 1979 due to S.I.D.S, and Charlene was only 6 months old when she passed away.
I had Brandi for 6 years and I never would of imagined death would effect me like it did when Brandi was gone.
I felt so guilty for grieving more for Brandi than I had grieved for my daughter when she passed away.
I went to my bed for days (about a month total) and didn't come out of my room. My hubby would check in on me and I would tell him to just leave me alone. Just laying in bed and sleeping off and on wasn't doing anything for the pain I was feeling so badly in my heart and so, I started popping sleeping pills. (Why not? Nothing could be worst in my life)
I was taking 2-3 sleeping pills a day. At least when I was sleeping, I felt no pain in my heart and didn't cry.
But Oh it gets worse.
When I would wake up, I felt the pain throughout my body and deep into my soul, and so, myself not being a drinker of alcohol I decided it was time to start drinking. So I went for the strongest I could get, and Zombies (like I felt) was my drink with 151 rum in it.
For a good month which would lead us into the middle of July, I was doing the sleeping pill popping and alcohol drinking, until one morning when I woke up and went to opened my shade to see how the day looked.
There sat my Brandi in my flower garden. I had to close and re-open my eyes to make sure I wasn't seeing things.
It was Brandi.
I stared at her and I was in shock seeing Brandi sitting there or was I dreaming all this? Then a tiny soft voice whispered into my left ear and said,
You did what you had to do for me not to suffer and I love you. You need to get up Mama for my sister's and daddy. They need you now.
(I had no idea what she meant by that)
I closed my eyes not believing what I was hearing and that I was seeing Brandi again, and when I re-opened my eyes,
Brandi was gone.
To my surprise, there in the flower garden where she was just sitting, was her favorite green frisbee that we hadn't seen since she passed away, and there it was in my flower garden,
green as green can be.
I was so blown away, I started shaking.
So I jumped out of bed, threw on some mis- matched clothes and a baseball cap. I had no make up on & I was hung over and sleepy from the night before, but jumped in my truck and headed to the shelter.
I went to the Corona Animal Shelter here in Corona California where I live and I would of never went there if Brandi didn't tell me too. I walked in and asked if there were any Golden Retrievers to be adopted out. I didn't know why I was asking that since that was the last thing I wanted at this time. It was to soon for me after Brandi just passing away. The clerk told me to go around the corner and see for myself in the kennels out in the back of the building .
The male could almost be Brandi's twin
I ran up to the clerk and told him I wanted to adopt the male, but the clerk told me I couldn't until Friday and it was only Monday morning.
The clerk brings out the brother and sister duo together and then I knew what I had to do.
If I adopted the male, I knew the female would have to come with him. So I told the clerk I wanted them both. I really couldn't believe I was doing this and why did Brandi want me to come here? I figured in due time I would get my answer from Brandi or from God.
Nine years later with these two goldens, I now know the answer to that question I had asked Brandi over 9 years ago.
I know in my heart Brandi will never be replaced with another golden and no other golden will ever be like Brandi. So for me, I realized that Brandi knew I had the love in my heart to give not to one dog, but to two. I figured Brandi wanted me to get them so my mind wouldn't be so much on her. Plus these two kept me so busy I didn't have time to think so much about Brandi.
It has been a very stressful time and very challenging 5 years with this golden duo.
they run, walk, and sleep together.
When they are on my bed sleeping, one or the other has their arms around the other or touching in some way
It is priceless..
I named the female Mandi which means
"Worthy of Love"
I named the male Rootbeer after Brandi's daddy.
We call him Rootie for short.
To be honest here, I wanted to give them back to the shelter a few times over the first year when it got really bad with this duo and my other 2 goldens I already had. Mandi had attacked my baby girl golden Ally, not once, not twice, but 5 times.
I was so mad about the fighting and also all 4 not getting along, but I just couldn't give up on them.
Brandi knew this golden duo needed special love and a very patient, loving owner in order for them to be together so they wouldn't be separated from each other.
The love between these two is something I have never seen between 2 dogs.
Today, this golden duo loves us,
but not as much as we love them.
I can say now that they trust us and feel they now have a home with us.
I just love them so much and Rootbeer is the male version of Brandi. He does everything like Brandi did and even sleeps the same way she did and sleeps in her spot too. His personality is like Brandi's, his coat texture is the same and the color of his coat is the same also. He has become my favorite male golden now, and when Rootbeer looks at me,
I swear I see Brandi sometimes staring back at me.
So, if by chance your wondering about the pills and the booze I was comsuming, the day Rootbeer & Mandi came home here to our family, is the day I threw all that stuff out into the trash and haven't touched it since.
I am slowly starting to laugh and live again
without Brandi by my side.
I never knew Loving a pet could hurt so very deep inside, that it feels at the time you can't go on without them. Time does make it easier. I would of never believed that 5 years ago if someone told me.
The strangest thing about all this is this:
*I found out on Aug 18th 2005 she had Lymphoma Cancer and that is my sisters birthday.
*June 7th, 2006 was the day the Oncologist told us she was out of remission for the 5th time and that is my deceased daughters birthday.
* Brandi was cremated and when we got the ashes back was on June 15th 2006 and this our Wedding Anniversary.
*And last but not least, the cage Rootbeer and Mandi were in was #34. I had 3 goldens before Brandi passed & now I have 4.
Slowly the pain is subsiding and yes I am proof that you can go on and live your life still without your precious loved one's by your side.
Brandi is close by me alot. I feel her around me at different times and she will be forever in my heart.
I miss Brandi still everyday and love her so much.
I now thank Brandi for bringing these 2 goldens into my life and making me realize that I have so much love to give and so much to be thankful for in my life
Brandi loved us unconditionally as we loved her unconditionally too.
Brandi as a puppy 1999
Older and so cute now
I could just squeeze you to death
about 6 months old
She's a teenager now
Brandi is such a sweet happy golden in this picture
Brandi came home from Chemo treatments and wasn't feeling very good
Ginger - Brandi -Ally My 3 originals (B.A.G) for short
When I had the 3 girls only they went by B.A.G for short.
Mommy wanting a kiss from Brandi
We were at Lake Texoma in Oklahoma. Brandi had such a good time there
Sweet Brandi 3 mos old
You are so precious
Aunt Ginger & Brandi
Ginger's brother Rootie is Brandi's daddy, but Ginger raised Brandi like her own
wrote this after Brandi passed away
MY SWEET BRANDI GIRL
(1st poem I wrote for Brandi)
and this bundle had touched my heart.
I couldn't believe that she was all mine,
I'll name her Brandi, that was a start.
and seeing Brandi grow each day.
She was so happy, funny and beautiful
I wouldn't of wanted it any other way.
and soon Brandi was 6 years old.
Then that terrible day came for us,
"It's Lymphoma Cancer", we both were told.
it was on August 18, 2005.
I told Ron and we both agreed,
we'll do anything to keep Brandi alive.
8 months of her in full remission.
Brandi has been such a trooper through this,
Now the cancer's back without permission.
Four times my heart grew sad.
Then my emotions started to flow inside,
first saddness, anger, now mad.
to give Brandi the best of care.
Now she is gone and has left us,
I'm feeling nothing but sad sad despair.
with a gentle soul and a huge heart.
And now she has gone to Rainbow Bridge,
and my heart now is torn apart.
how she always had made us smile.
I know my heart cries for Brandi now,
and my broken heart will hurt for a while.
that I'm missing you oh so much.
And the worst time for me is the nighttime,
when I can't hug you and feel your touch.
for me to rub your body or your pretty face.
You came into the world with dignity,
and you left this world with such grace.
Thank you for giving me 6 years of Joy.
And when I'm sad and think of you girl,
I'll just hug your favorite frisbee toy.
Be a star and shine down on me.
Forever in our hearts, forever in our souls
Thats where My Brandi will always be.
Goodbye my Best Friend
Sweet Angel Brandi (below)
Above-my favorite photo of Brandi. @ Lake Mead
This is a oil painting a good friend of mine sent to me after Brandi passed and it's in our livingroom on the main wall.
Brandi 6 years old
Brandi would touch your heart with those eyes of her's
I miss you so much
My beautiful Girl
My Brandi at Rainbow bridge
Brandi's music slideshow I did of her life with us(2 songs)
You might have to start then stop it so
it loads and doesn't keep stopping & starting on you.