Angel Brandi

(If you want to skip my story  scroll down to see pictures of Brandi)

I don't know about any of you but for me,
this was the first time ever I had to deal with a death that was so dear & close to my heart. It has been over 2 years now that my Sweet Brandi girl passed away,(June 12th- 2006).

Since Brandi's passing,  I had shut down and was very depressed.
I had to put Brandi down because she had Lymphoma Cancer and over the weekend before June 12th, Brandi got so bad in 2 days, we just could'nt let her suffer. It was apparent the Chemo treatments were no longer working anymore for my girl .

It was one of the hardest and saddest  decision I had ever made. I lost my daughter back in 1979 due to crib death or S.I.D.S they called it  back then, and she was only 6 months old when she passed away.
I had Brandi for 6 years and I never would of imagined death would effect me like it did when Brandi was gone.

I went to my bed for days (about a month total) and didn't come out of my room. My hubby would check in on me and I would tell him to just leave me alone. Just laying in bed and sleeping off and on wasn't doing anything for the pain I was feeling so badly in my heart and so, I started popping sleeping pills.

I was taking 2-3 pills a day. At least when I was sleeping, I felt no pain. But Oh it gets worst. When I would wake up, I felt the pain, and myself not being a drinker of alcohol decided it was time to start drinking.  So I went for the strongest I could get, and Zombies (like I felt) was my drink with 151 rum in it.
If I wasn't sleeping, I was getting a little drunk. I was feeling very guilty that I had to make the decision to put Brandi down and not my husbands. I was angry at Ron for making me make that decision. I was sad Brandi was gone.
I had 2 other goldens who were here at home with me and I just didn't want to be around them.
I wanted Brandi.
For a good month which would lead us into  the middle ofJuly,  I was doing the sleeping pill and alcohol thingy until one morning , when  I awoke and opened my shade to see how the day looked. There sat Brandi in my flower garden. I had to close and re-open my eyes to make sure I wasn't seeing things. It was Brandi.

Then as I stared at her & in shock, a tiny soft voice whispered into my left ear and said,
"Mama, please get out of bed for me,  please!! You did what you had to do for me not to suffer and I love you. You need to get up Mama for my sister's and daddy. They need you now.
I'm so happy here and you need to be happy for me. Mama, you need to go to the nearest shelter and they are there for you.(I didn't know what she meant by that) I love you Mama.  I closed my eyes not believing what I was hearing or seeing, and when I re opened them  Brandi was gone. But there in the flower garden  where she was just sitting was her favorite green frisbee that we hadn't seen since she passed away,  and there it was in my flower garden, green as green can be. I was so blown away, I was shaking.

So I jumped out of bed, threw on some mis matched clothes and a  baseball cap. I had no make up on, I was hung over and sleepy from the night before, but jumped in my truck and headed to the shelter. I went to the Corona Animal Shelter here in Corona California where I live and I would of never went here if Brandi didn't tell me too. I walked in and asked if there were any Golden Retrievers to be adopted out. I didn't know why I was asking that since that was the last thing I wanted at this time., so soon after Brandi passed away. The  clerk told me to go around and see for myself in the kennels out in back of the building .
So I walked around and came upon cage #34. I looked inside the cage  & there looking back at me was were a brother and sister golden duo  and they were adorable.

I went up to the clerk and told him I wanted to adopt the female. I couldn't until Friday and it was only Monday.
So on Tuesday I went back to have a good look at her and they brought out the brother and sister together and then I knew. If I adopted the female, the male would have to come with her. So I told the clerk I wanted them both.  I really couldn't believe I was doing this and why did Brandi want me to come here? I figured in due time I would get my answer from Brandi or from God. I figured Brandi wanted me to get them so my mind wouldn't be so much on her. Two years later with these two, I know the answer to that question now. I know in my heart Brandi will never be replaced with another golden and no other golden will ever be like Brandi. So, for me,  I realized that Brandi knew I had the love in my heart to give to not one dog,  but two, plus these two would keep me so busy I wouldn't have time to think so much about Brandi.  It's been a very stressful and time consuming 2 years with these 2 .

they run, walk, and sleep together. When they are on my bed sleeping, one or the other has their arms around the other or touching in some way.

it is priceless.

I named the female Mandi which means

"Worthy of Love"

and I named the male Rootbeer after Brandi's daddy. We call him Rootie for short.

They were pooping in the house and running away about 3-5 times a day. .  I wanted to give them back a few times when it got really bad or after Mandi attacked Ally, not once, not twice, but 5 times so far, but I couldn't give up on them.  I believe now that Brandi knew I had enough love in my heart, even though it was broken because she was gone, but Brandi knew these two needed special love and a patient owner and for them to be together and not be seperated from each other. 

Brandi knew I fit the bill. and that made me feel great.  Today, they love us, but not as much as we love them. They know how to do the basic commands all dogs usually learn when their a puppy and I finally got them to go for rides in the truck and they know now they will come back home. I can say now that they trust us. I just love them to pieces and Rootbeer is the male version of Brandi. He does everything like Brandi did and even spoons the same way too. He has become my favorite now and when he looks at me, I swear I see Brandi sometimes staring back at me.

So, if your wondering about the pills and booze, well the day they came home here to our family,is the day I threw all that stuff out into the trash and haven't touched it since. I am slowly starting to laugh and live again without Brandi by my side.

I never knew Love could hurt so much.
The strangest thing about all this is this:
*I found out on Aug 18th 2005 she had Lymphoma Cancer and that is my sisters B.D.
*The day she went into remission was Sept 8, 2005, that is husband's Ron B.D
*June 7th, 2006 was the day the Oncologist told us she was out of remission and that is my deceased daughters B.D.
* Brandi was cremated and when we got the ashes back was on June 15th 2006 and that is our Wedding Anniversary.
*And last but not least, the cage Rootbeer and Mandi were in was #34. I had 3 goldens before Brandi passed and now I have 4.
Is that to weird or what???. .

Slowly the pain is subsiding and yes you can go on and live still without your precious loved one by your side. Brandi is close by me and she will be forever in my heart. I miss Brandi still everyday and love her so much.  I now thank Brandi for bringing these 2 goldens into my life and making me realize that I have so much love to give and so much to be thankful for in my life