*~*Angel Brandi*~*

(If you want to skip my story  scroll down to see pictures of Brandi).

I don't know about any of you but for me this was the first time ever I had to deal with a death that was so close & dear to my heart. It has been over 13 years now that my Sweet Brandi girl passed away,

(June 12th- 2006).

When Brandi passed away I had totally shut down . 

I was very  depressed.
I had to put Brandi down because she had Lymphoma Cancer and over the weekend before June 12th, Brandi got so sick in 2 days, we just couldn't let her suffer. It was apparent the Chemo treatments were no longer working anymore for my sweet Brandi girl . I was blessed though to have  Brandi 8 extra months because of the expensive chemo treatments we started with her & she was given treatments weekly. It gave me more time to spend with her.

During that 8 months while she was doing chemo,  Brandi went everywhere with me. If she couldn't go, I didn't go. She loved going bye bye with me and always sat up front with me and hung herself proudly out the window as we went along our way.

I felt so guilty for grieving more for Brandi than I had grieved for my daughter when she passed away. 

I went to my bed for days (about a month total) and didn't come out of my room. My hubby would check in on me and I would tell him to just leave me alone. Just laying in bed and sleeping off and on wasn't doing anything for the pain I was feeling so badly in my heart and so, I started popping sleeping pills. (Why not? Nothing could be worst in my life) 

I was taking 2-3 sleeping pills a day. At least when I was sleeping, I felt no pain in my heart and didn't cry.

But Oh it gets worse.

When I would wake up, I felt the pain throughout my body and deep into my soul, and so, myself not being a drinker of alcohol I decided it was time to start drinking.  So I went for the strongest I could get, and Zombies (like I felt) was my drink with 151 rum in it.
If I wasn't sleeping, I was getting a little drunk. I was feeling very guilty that I had to make the decision to put Brandi down and not my husbands. I was angry at Ron for making me make that decision. I was sad Brandi was gone.
I had 2 other goldens at home with me and I just didn't want to be around them.
I wanted Brandi.

 For a good month which would lead us into  the middle of July,  I was doing the sleeping pill popping and alcohol drinking, until one morning when  I woke up and went to opened my shade to see how the day looked.

There sat my Brandi in my flower garden. I had to close and re-open my eyes to make sure I wasn't seeing things.

It was Brandi. 

 I stared at her and I was in shock seeing Brandi sitting there or was I dreaming all this? Then a tiny soft voice whispered into my left ear and said,

"Mama, please get out of bed for me,  please!!

You did what you had to do for me not to suffer and I love you. You need to get up Mama for my sister's and daddy. They need you now.
I'm so happy here and you need to be happy for me.  You need to go to the nearest shelter and they are there for you".

(I had no idea what she meant by that) 

I closed my eyes not believing what I was hearing and that I was seeing Brandi again, and when I re-opened my eyes, 

Brandi was gone.

To my surprise, there in the flower garden  where she was just sitting, was her favorite green frisbee that we hadn't seen since she passed away,  and there it was in my flower garden,

green as green can be.

I was so blown away, I started shaking.

So I jumped out of bed, threw on some mis- matched clothes and a  baseball cap. I had no make up on & I was hung over and sleepy from the night before, but jumped in my truck and headed to the shelter.

I went to the Corona Animal Shelter here in Corona California where I live and I would of never went there if Brandi didn't tell me too. I walked in and asked if there were any Golden Retrievers to be adopted out. I didn't know why I was asking that since that was the last thing I wanted at this time. It was to soon for me after Brandi just passing away. The clerk told me to go around the corner and see for myself in the kennels out in the back of the building .
So I walked around and came upon cage #34. I looked inside the cage & there looking back at me was a brother and sister golden duo and they were adorable.

The male could almost be Brandi's twin

I ran up to the clerk and told him I wanted to adopt the male, but the clerk told me I couldn't until Friday and it was only Monday morning.
So on Tuesday morning I went back to have a good look at him again and spend some time with him.

The clerk brings out the brother and sister duo together and then I knew what I had to do.

If I adopted the male, I knew the female would have to come with him. So I told the clerk I wanted them both.  I really couldn't believe I was doing this and why did Brandi want me to come here? I figured in due time I would get my answer from Brandi or from God.  

Nine years later with these two goldens, I now know the answer to that question I had asked Brandi over 9 years ago.

I know in my heart Brandi will never be replaced with another golden and no other golden will ever be like Brandi. So for me,  I realized that Brandi knew I had the love in my heart to give not to one dog,  but to two. I figured Brandi wanted me to get them so my mind wouldn't be so much on her. Plus these two kept me so busy I didn't have time to think so much about Brandi. 

It has been a very stressful time and very challenging 5 years with this golden duo.

they run, walk, and sleep together.

When they are on my bed sleeping, one or the other has their arms around the other or touching in some way

It is priceless..

I named the female Mandi which means

"Worthy of Love"

(In 2006)

(In 2011)

I named the male Rootbeer after Brandi's daddy.

We call him Rootie for short.

(in 2006)

(In 2011)

 To be honest here, I wanted to give them back to the shelter a few times over the first year when it got really bad with this duo and my other 2 goldens I already had. Mandi had attacked my baby girl golden Ally, not once, not twice, but 5 times.

I was so mad about the fighting and also all 4 not getting along, but I just couldn't give up on them.

Brandi knew this golden duo needed special love and a very patient, loving owner in order for them to be together so they wouldn't be separated from each other.

The love between these two is something I have never seen between 2 dogs. 

Today, this golden duo loves us,

but not as much as we love them.

 I can say now that they trust us and feel they now have a home with us.

I just love them so much and Rootbeer is the male version of Brandi. He does everything like Brandi did and even sleeps the same way she did and sleeps in her spot too. His personality is like Brandi's, his coat texture is the same and the color of his coat is the same also. He has become my favorite male golden now, and when Rootbeer looks at me,

(Rootbeer) 

 I swear I see Brandi sometimes staring back at me.

(Brandi above)

So, if by chance your wondering about the pills and the booze I was comsuming, the day Rootbeer & Mandi came home here to our family, is the day I threw all that stuff out into the trash and haven't touched it since.

I am slowly starting to laugh and live again

without Brandi by my side.

I never knew Loving a pet could hurt so very deep inside, that it feels at the time you can't go on without them. Time does make it easier. I would of never believed that 5 years ago if someone told me.

The strangest thing about all this is this:

*I found out on Aug 18th 2005 she had Lymphoma Cancer and that is my sisters birthday.

*The day she went into remission was Sept 8, 2005, that is husband Ron's birthday.

*June 7th, 2006 was the day the Oncologist told us she was out of remission for the 5th time and that is my deceased daughters birthday.

* Brandi was cremated and when we got the ashes back was on June 15th 2006 and this our Wedding Anniversary.

*And last but not least, the cage Rootbeer and Mandi were in was #34. I had 3 goldens before Brandi passed & now I have 4.
Is that to weird or what???. .

Slowly the pain is subsiding and yes I am proof that you can go on and live your life still without your precious loved one's by your side.

Brandi is close by me alot. I feel her around me at different times and she will be forever in my heart.

 I miss Brandi still everyday and love her so much. 

I now thank Brandi for bringing these 2 goldens into my life and making me realize that I have so much love to give and so much to be thankful for in my life

Lanie Blackmon